June: Lots of books...

Hello friends,

I know it may seem crazy but 2020 is half over! Hooray! Hopefully the second half is better than the first. Of course, that’s a very low bar. We spent June still mostly in quarantine, which allowed some time to read. As you may notice based on the books I read this month, I learned a lot about race. As the protests following George Floyd’s death grew around the nation, I decided that I needed to learn more about racism and how to be antiracist. Happily, much of the news coverage included one of my favorite things: book recommendations! Since I will never experience what it’s like to be a Black, Indigenous, or Person of Color (BIPOC) in the U.S., reading the experiences of BIPOC in their own words seemed like a great way for me to gain insight into race and racism. I definitely learned a lot, and I am still learning as I strive to recognize and rectify my own racist biases, thoughts, and prejudices and be more antiracist.

I realized while writing this that I read 10 books this month, which I think is a record. Woot! Most of these books are less than 300 pages, so they go pretty quick.

As always, let me know if you have any thoughts about these books or recommendations for future reading.

Cheers,

Tonya

 The Love that Split the World by Emily Henry

Rating: 4 of 5 stars

Recommendation: If you like teen romance and science fiction

Review: If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ll know that one of my guilty pleasures is teen romance novels. This one had a very interesting premise: the couple live in different realities. While both realities contain all of the other inhabitants in their small town, the other person is conspicuously missing. The book tells the story of their growing love as they try to figure out what’s going on with the dimensions of the universe and unravel the mystery keeping them apart. The book seems to be split largely between gushy romance scenes and technical explanations of space-time and alternate realities, not a split that you usually find in the genre, but definitely an interesting one. This book features one of my least favorite romance tropes: instalove where the couple see each other across a room – high school band room in this case – and immediately fall head over heals in love. While I’m willing to admit that maybe this is how some people fall in love, it seems unrealistic to me and made it hard for me to be invested in their relationship, which was, like, the main point of the book. Despite all these critiques, I couldn’t put the book down and binge read (Is binge-reading a thing? It should be. I do it all the time.) it in about two days because I got to have me some slightly gaggy but unable-to-look-away-from teenage romance!

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo

Rating: 5 of 5 stars

Recommendation: All white people should read this book

Review: This was a good book to start learning about being antiracist. It’s written by a white woman who works as a diversity and inclusion consultant, so she’s very familiar with white people’s reticence and inability to discuss race. She points out that we live in a white supremacist society where being white provides multiple material and social advantages. While she acknowledges that those white people living today are not responsible for the creation of this society, we still benefit from it and are complicit in its continuation if we do nothing to dismantle it. This was one of my favorite quotes from the book, “As I have tried to show throughout this book, white people raised in Western society are conditioned into a white supremacist worldview because it is the bedrock of our society and its institutions. … The ubiquitous socializing power of white supremacy cannot be avoided. The messages circulate 24-7 and have little or nothing to do with intentions, awareness, or agreement. Entering the conversation with this understanding is freeing because it allows us to focus on how—rather than if—our racism is manifest. When we move beyond the good/bad binary, we can become eager to identify our racist patterns because interrupting those patterns becomes more important than managing how we think we look to others.” Reading this book helped me realize that I need to resolve to put aside my white fragility and build racial resilience by engaging in conversations about race and being open to correction when I make mistakes. Definitely worth the read.

Thick: And Other Essays by Tressie McMillan Cottom

Rating:  4 of 5 stars

Recommendation: yes

Review: As I noted in the introduction, I will never know what it’s like to be black or a black woman in the U.S. However, reading about the experiences of black women can help me develop empathy and understanding, which is essential when trying to understand those that are different than us. This is a collection of essays with topics ranging from black hairstyles, white beauty standards that are imposed on BIPOC, striving to be seen as competent in a world that stereotypes black women as incompetent, and Obama’s election. One of her essays focuses on her experience as a pregnant black woman in the U.S. healthcare system. Despite being married, holding a steady job with health benefits, and having an advanced degree, she is still judged to be incompetent when seeking healthcare. After being repeatedly ignored, having her pain discredited, and being shuffled from one healthcare provider to another, her baby is born just one day shy of being considered “viable.” She loses the baby and joins the unacceptably high number of black women in the U.S. that are just as likely to experience maternal or infant mortality as women in many poor countries. That’s right, simply being black increases a woman’s chance of dying while giving birth or from postpartum complications. If nothing else can convince you of the need for change in the U.S., then this should. Highly recommend reading this book.

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

Rating: 5 of 5 stars

Recommendation: Yes, everyone should read this book

Review: This was by far the best of all the antiracist books I read this month. Kendi is the rare combination of excellent and engaging writer and activist that makes me have to read anything with his name on it. He uses his own life story and gradual realization of his own racist thoughts and beliefs while explaining how best to combat racism. His journey culminates with his realization that we need to change racist policies before we can change racist hearts. If we can change racist policies and reduce racial inequities, then people will see that their racist prejudices and beliefs were not true and abandon them. As a professional public policy analyst, I find this conclusion astounding and motivating. It completely undermines many of the claims I see on social media and elsewhere that we just need to change people’s hearts first to fix the racist society that we live in. He further notes the fundamental problem with being “not racist” saying, “[being not racist] is a claim that signifies neutrality: “I am not a racist, but neither am I aggressively against racism.” But there is no neutrality in the racism struggle. The opposite of “racist” isn’t “not racist.” It is “antiracist.” What’s the difference? One endorses either the idea of a racial hierarchy as a racist, or racial equality as an antiracist. One either believes problems are rooted in groups of people, as a racist, or locates the roots of problems in power and policies, as an antiracist.” Boom. He explains that we need to stop being afraid of saying the word “racist” and using it as the descriptive adjective that it is to label thoughts, behaviors, and ideas that we are striving to change, so that we can actively be antiracist. I couldn’t recommend this book more.

Black Klansman: Race, Hate, and the Undercover Investigation of a Lifetime by Ron Stallworth

Rating: 4 of 5 stars

Recommendation: yes

Review: Stallworth was the first black police officer in the Colorado Springs Police Department (CSPD), and this book tells the story of his undercover investigation of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) that was just beginning to establish a presence there in the 1970s. I grew up in Colorado Springs, so this book held particular significance to me as I learned more reading it about race relations in my home town than I was aware of in the entire 18 years I grew up there. My experience growing up in Colorado Springs was nearly entirely white. I remember my high school had three black kids, who were all siblings, and a handful of Hispanic and Asian American students, so it didn’t surprise me to learn that it took until the mid-1970s for the CSPD to hire its first black officer in response to a hiring program that focused on diversifying the police force. Stallworth describes what it was like to be the only black officer on the force with experiences ranging from somewhat funny – when he was intentionally issued a cap that was too small to fit over his afro – to shameful and openly racist. He perseveres and ends up getting promoted to detective and starting an investigation into the local KKK chapter after responding to a newspaper advertisement. The following story is both enlightening, scary, and ironic as he enlists a white cop to help infiltrate the local chapter and becomes friends with David Duke. While it sounds like Stallworth was a great cop, he was not a professional writer. Saying that, I was surprised at how well the book did read and highly recommend it.

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

Rating: 4 of 5 stars

Recommendation: yes, you should read it

Review: This book is accessible and insightful. It’s organized by topic with chapters devoted to microagressions, hair, the n-word, etc. I definitely learned a lot about what to do and what not to do when trying to talk about race. Some of the insights I found helpful include the following:

      1.       It’s about race if a person of color thinks it’s about race.

      2.       It is about race if it disproportionately or differently effects people of color.

      3.       It is about race if it fits into a broader pattern of events that disproportionately or differently effect people of color.

4.       White people should never use the “n-word.”

5.       Be open to and grateful for correction when speaking about race.

I particularly liked her thoughts on privilege. She notes that, “when somebody asks you to ‘check your privilege’ they are asking you to pause and consider how the advantages you’ve had in life are contributing to your opinions and actions, and how the lack of disadvantages in certain areas is keeping you from fully understanding the struggles others are facing and may in fact be contributing to those struggles.” I need to be aware of my many privileges and how they color my view of the world and my opinions. She also explains why confronting our privilege can be rather scary saying, “the realization that we may be a part of the reason why the deck is stacked against others, that we may have been contributing to it for years without our knowledge, is why the concept of privilege is so threatening to so many. We don’t want to think that we are harming others, we do not want to believe that we do not deserve everything we have, and we do not want to think of ourselves as ignorant of how our world works. The concept of privilege violates everything we’ve been told about fairness and everything we’ve been told about the American Dream of hard work paying off and good things happening to good people.” Reality check time: the American Dream of meritocracy is a lie. I think that most of the successes I’ve experienced can be attributed not so much to any exceptional talent or hard work on my part but the fact that I didn’t screw up after benefiting from all the privileges I have. Others don’t have the those same privileges, and I’m trying to be sensitive to that. I highly recommend reading this book.

Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by  Layla F. Saad

Rating: 4 of 5 stars

Recommendation: yes, everyone should read this

Review: This book grew from an Instagram challenge conducted by the author where she asked her followers to follow a 28-day course to help them realize and correct their own racist thoughts, behaviors, and actions big and small. She developed the course into this book, which is supposed to be read over 28-days with each day discussing a topic such as white privilege, white superiority, white silence, and color blindness. Each discussion is followed by journaling prompts. As my library loan expired before 28 days, I read two topics a day and did the accompanying journaling. It helped me realize that because I’m white I’ve been able to avoid thinking about, talking about, or doing anything about race. That’s part of my white privilege. I highly recommend reading this book and doing the journaling exercises as it will help you learn more about yourself and how to confront and work to correct the racist attitudes and beliefs that you’ve internalized.

Saints Volume 2: No Unhallowed Hand by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Rating: 4 of 5 stars

Recommendation: yes, learning about Church history is informative, important, and testimony building

Review: This is the second of a four volume history that my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is releasing. The books are a narrative history with the stories drawn largely from the journals, letters, and documents of early members. This volume covers 1846-1893. A few of the main topics discussed include: the migration of Church members to the Mountain West of the U.S., early missionary efforts in Hawaii, Europe, and the Pacific islands, polygamy practices among Church members, and the Mountain Meadows Massacre. I was surprised to learn of the Church’s continual issues with the U.S. government after the migration to Utah. The primary source of discord was the practice of polygamy among some Church members. Because of this practice, Utah wasn’t allowed to become a state because the people would have been able to elect their own governor, members were temporarily banned from standing on juries, and many members of Church leadership lived underground for years while being wanted for arrest. After the practice was formally discontinued, many members practicing plural marriage were unsure how to live by the new guidance, creating large issues as some plural wives were abandoned by their husbands while others continued to cohabitate. Weird. I am so grateful that I don’t live in a time of history where the Lord has authorized polygamy. It did answer a lot of the questions I had about the practice, and I liked how it focused on including the voices and stories of many women. I do wish that they had explained more about the circumstances leading to the practice of not extending the priesthood to men of color. I highly recommend for anyone with questions about Church history.

The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History by John M. Barry

Rating: 4 of 5 stars

Recommendation: yes, if you want to gain some insights in this pandemic

Review: I read this book to try to learn more about the current pandemic situation we’re experiencing. While there are differences between the flu and the coronavirus, there were still a lot of interesting parallels between the two situations. One thing is for sure: that pandemic was a lot worse than this one. For starters, that one predominantly occurred from 1918-1919, right at the end of the Great War. Because of the U.S.’s focus on winning the war, President Wilson never spoke publicly about the flu virus that was taking the lives of hundreds of thousands of Americans. I definitely have my critiques of our government’s response to this pandemic, but at least President Trump has acknowledged it. That’s a pretty low bar. Other things that were worse back then: this particularly virulent strain of the flu killed a disproportionate amount of young adults, ages 20-35, medical science was still in its infancy and there were even fewer treatments for the flu back then than there are now, and we have much better public hygiene now – i.e. few or no open sewers. Unfortunately, how that pandemic ended does not provide any guidance to how this one will end because spoiler alert: we still haven’t figured out the flu. I literally just got it in January, and it sucked! Of course, it wasn’t as bad as this particular variation that killed up to 100 million people worldwide, but it was still miserable. In the end, the Spanish Flu of 1918 (of course that name is a misnomer as it most likely began in Kansas) mutated to a more normal, less severe strain, and we passed this one on to pigs.

Beach Read by Emily Henry

Rating:  4 of 5 stars

Recommendation: if you like romance novels

Review: After all the reading about racism and the pandemic, I decided to read another Emily Henry novel. This one didn’t have any sci-fi elements, but I still read it in two days. What can I say? I just HAVE to know how it ends! Anyway, this one is about a novelist who has writer’s block because her entire sense of self and identity was compromised when she discovered at her father’s funeral that he was having an affair while her mother was undergoing cancer treatments. Yeah… She escapes to the Michigan lake house he left her, which is unexpectedly next door to her college rival/secret crush. Things progress as you expect, but the normal romance novel plot is interspersed with insights into the writing process, secret suicide cults, and how our perspectives on the world change as we grow. Definitely a fun read.

Mommy Corner

Father's Day at home using the side-view mirror on the car to hold the phone. Note that Chloe is wearing her Elsa dress under her Sunday dress.

Maya loves her smoothies. 

This is our second splash pad of the summer. The first one lasted for two play sessions and then got a hole in the rim. This one has lasted much longer. With all the pools closed and kids home this summer, this is how we spend most of our afternoons.

We also have fun blowing bubbles.